Manifestation miracle

Is Introversion Main Stream at Last? (By Lynette Crane)

The topic of introversion has now entered the mainstream. How can I tell? This topic, which I have championed for so many years (full disclosure: I am an introvert), has now appeared in one of my favorite comic strips, and I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry.

In the Dilbert strip of July 23, an introvert appears and utters all of the stereotypes about introverts being despairing, lonely, and avoidant of conversation. Introversion has become part of the workplace diversity conversation, and that's a good thing. Picking up on that trend, Dilbert, which satirizes workplace behavior, has now made this contribution, and I know it's satire; nevertheless, I seem to have lost my sense of humor.

You see, I also know that introverts, no matter how skilled or intelligent, tend to be the last-hired. I know, from studies such as that done by Ones and Dilchert (Industrial & Organizational Psych, 2009), that introverts constitute only 12% of supervisors, and that percentage decreases as you go up the managerial levels, dwindling to a scant 2% at the very top. At the same time, the presence of extreme extroverts rises to 60% at the top.

This is only natural, right? Well, no, actually introverts can make extremely fine leaders, especially for groups of people who have good ideas. The introvert leader will allow others speaking time, listen carefully, and be willing to integrate other people's ideas into the overall scheme. How do we know this? Besides assertions by people such as Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, a study of companies and the leaders who went from being merely good to great, research studies such as the one reported by Adam Grant et al. affirms this.

The problem? Well, the title of that research article for one thing. "Leadership Tip: Hire the Quiet Neurotic, Not the Impressive Extrovert" (Forbes Magazine, 2013). Neurotic? The opposite of extrovert is neurotic?

Bendersky & Shah (Acad. Mgmt. J. 2013) reassure us that introverts not only make good team members, but that eventually their excellent contributions are recognized over the chatter of more outspoken but sometimes less thoughtful people. I'm glad to hear this; my only objection is their title: "The Downfall of Extroverts and the Rise of Neurotics."

Corporations are just now beginning to recognize introversion, which is based on a neurological difference, as being an appropriate and even necessary topic for inclusion in their diversity programs.

So I wonder if you could replace introverts in that comic strip with another group that is marginalized in our society and just on the edge of being understood and valued. Would it work and still be funny? I don't know. I would welcome your reactions.

I just wish that our group, introverts, hadn't leaped from being marginalized as "peculiar" to the mainstream with no stops in between.

How Do You Deal With Negative Feelings

Letting Go of Shame

There is no such thing as shame. It is just an artificially inculcated thought, forcing us to wrongly believe that not disappointing others is more important than not disappointing ourselves. It is time to let this unuseful belief go.

According to the hierarchy of people around you, you should be at the top. Your own happiness is the most important one.

You can't make others happy unless you are happy with yourself.

That´s a simple fact.

Because your own happiness is the source of the happiness of others around you. Therefore, your own happiness is simply the most important thing in your life, which you need to take care of.

And shame is not part of happiness at all. It simply doesn't belong to it. It never did and never will.

Shame is just a toxic and totally useless feeling that has been implanted in you, "saying" that you have done something that you were "not supposed to", or that you haven't pleased somebody you were "supposed to", in the way she/he expected from you. Shame is a feeling that has been imposed on you, then not consciously chosen by you. Why on earth would you freely choose a feeling, which is one of the obstacles to your happiness?

And who would know, better than you, what you are supposed or not supposed to anyway?

Who would know the path towards your own happiness, better than you?

Shame has always been a great way for others (including institution, government, and many religions) to manipulate you. For example, it is in the highest interest of institutions like government to foster and increase the feeling of shame in you, so you can be easily manipulated and controlled.

It is time to let go of shame, and mainly of the thought of shame itself.

It is time to be free again.

Shame never helps you; shame only prevents you from becoming better, stronger and happier.

Shame is not meant to be part of your life and happiness. It never was and never will be.

The good news is that shame is just a feeling. And, because any kind of negative feeling (shame is one of the most negative feelings) can be let go, the same applies for shame.

I can't express strongly enough what a dramatic impact letting go of shame has on life. I can refer to my own experience. Once the feeling of shame vanishes, you immediately feel lighter, more relaxed and happier. It is very difficult to be controlled by others, because simply there is not any "leverage" that could allow them to control you anymore. It is difficult not to be happy when there is no feeling of shame and guilt anymore. And remember, it is just a feeling - we already know that any negative feeling can be let go, once and forever.

In general, shame has got many faces and we usually have so many different kinds of thoughts and memories connected to shame that might also be suppressed deeply in our bodies (it is one of the most suppressed feelings in general), which quite often requires many letting go sessions. But, it's worth every penny and the long term impact is life changing once we learn how to let go of the feelings of shame.

One of the best ways to start letting go of shame is letting go of the feeling of having shame because of feeling shame (it might sound a bit confusing at first glance, but when you really think of it, you will realize that this is the most common kind of shame - feeling guilt and shame because we feel ashamed).

All of that can, and should be, let go.

Here is the letting go process for shame:

1. Find a quiet place, where nobody can disturb you. Shame is a very intimately perceived feeling and it is important to be just with yourself when letting go of shame for the first time.

2. Close your eyes and bring up any recent feeling of shame, or feeling of being ashamed.

3. Start embracing and experiencing these feelings fully.

4. Sometimes, this can be really hard and unpleasant, but it is only for a while. It is important to continue. Also, there can be some stronger immediate emotional expressions as shame is being released. Dont block anything; it will last only a small moment.

5. Start surrendering yourself to these feelings; let them express themselves fully all over your body (or any other part where you feel them most intensively). Don't push them back; don't block them or act on them either. Just let them be in their natural way and instead, be an independent observer of them, as if they weren't even yours. Be an observer and let any emotions come out, as they want to.

6. Try not to connect these feelings to any stories or circumstances; try not to rationalize them. Try not to think about them at all. Just look at them as pure emotion, which want to be expressed and released. Don't judge them; don't push them back; just observe.

7. After a while, make a decision about letting the feeling of shame go once and forever, and then let it actually go and disappear.

8. Because the amount of negative feelings related to shame can be quite often pretty intense and deep, you will probably need to repeat steps 1-5 several times. Also, make this a daily practice if any kind of other feelings of shame come up anytime soon. Shame sometimes requires some time (weeks and months) to be completely let go.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Am Enough (By Carolyn J Carpenter)

Do you ever get sick of yourself? Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you'll always fail? Do you ever feel like you've made so many wrong decisions and so many bad choices that digging yourself out will never erase how disappointed you feel? Do you ever look at the crap happening in your life and think, "What am I doing wrong?" Do you ever compare yourself to others and marvel at how easy success seems to come to them? Or how happy they manage to be even when their life is a massive pile of dung?

I never do these things. I always feel like I have it all together. Really. Hahahahahahahahaha.

This morning, as my meditation crumbles into a cesspool of self-pity, I swirl around in the muck and acknowledge how true these feelings are. How real and painful they seem. I beat myself up. Then I beat myself up for beating myself up. I can't shake the feeling that I am a loser because I haven't accomplished all the dreams I had as a child. I haven't experienced all of the things I said I would do... be... have. I actually sob, letting the disappointment of what I deem to be multiple failures swallow my heart. And as always. As always, always, always. A little, teeny-tiny, pipsqueak of a voice squeaks out from the back of my mind, "Hey wait." But the big booming voice of defeat stomps it out. Triumphant. But the little guy chimes back, "I'm here and I love you." And the deep song of failure tells the little voice to shut up. And the little voice says, "You don't own me." And the big, booming voice of failure... laughs. Ah-ha! The little pipsqueak is winning. The little pipsqueak says, "I am tiny and insignificant, but I have it over you." And this little voice inspires me to pick up my lap top. To come up with the five reasons why the bully in my head won't win. Five reasons why I am not a failure. Five reasons why I am enough. I don't know what the top five reason are that I am enough. But I am gong to take a stab.

5. I take the time to explore these feeling. I listen, cajole, admonish, plead. I don't bury these feeling and thoughts. I don't let them determine who I am.

4. I realize I am not alone. As I pay attention to this voice of doubt and frustration, anger and pain... I also realize that I see it in others. It pops out of daily conversation in the oddest, most subtle, of ways. I am grateful that at least I am aware of the voice. At least I can accept that it is part of me. At least I don't pretend it's not there. Because I believe if you deny the bully a place at the table, it will crawl under your chair and stab your toes.

3. I am happy that I want to share my experience. Literally in the middle of sobbing, my little pipsqueak voice started working out how I might inspire others by sharing this experience. What I was going to post on my Morning Walk Adventure site today. How I might use these feelings of not-enough-ness to make others feel they are more.

2. I can choose gratitude. Being enough is an intangible idea. It is a slice of banana cream pie in the sky. And choosing gratitude is as the way to dive into the banana-y whipped cream. Gratitude is the pulley to a better place.

1. I have the choice to characterize my not enough-ness. I can write about it. I can laugh about it. I can give the pipsqueak voice the image of that unstoppable mouse in Tom and Jerry. I can realize why people love that cartoon. Because in this moment it represents the constant battle to be enough. I can reduce my bully into a cartoon character and give a giant hammer to the pipsqueak. My little voice can shake its fist and say, "I may be a small, squeeky wheel, but I will get the oil!"

So there you have it. Imperfect. Perhaps a bit whiny and pathetic. Look at that. There is even judgement in my summary of what I just wrote. Sigh. The bully is alive and well. But we all know that bullies are bullies because deep down they feel powerless and bullying is a way to take a step toward power. So the little pipsqueak can take the hand of the big bully and say, "It's okay. It will aaaalllll be okay. I will guide you. I've got your back. Frickin relax" And that's all there is. That's all that matters. That is enough.

How To Increase Confidence In Men

Confidence is the key to dating success. As strange as it might seem to guys, what you do for a living, what your interests are and even how you look are all secondary considerations for women. What women really want is a man who is comfortable in his own skin, a man who's happy, capable and self-assured. Self-confidence is extremely sexy to a woman. So how do you show a woman that you're confident?

Don't show off:

Nothing turns a woman off faster than a man gloating about how much money he makes. Bragging about things you own; cars, houses, clothes, and so on, will make you seem self-conscious.

Clean yourself up:

You don't want to be stressed out about body odor when you're talking to a woman. Try out different body washes, antiperspirants and body sprays until you find the right combination that works for you.
Research has backed up the notion that simply smelling great can make men "look" more attractive to women.

Don't talk too much:

Stop trying to top everyone all the time. Instead, ask a lot of questions. This allows you to remain in control and steer the conversation. Needing to dominate every conversation or present oneself as the authority on every subject is a clear sign of insecurity.

Compliment others:

A lot of guys think projecting confidence means drawing attention to themselves and away from others. complimenting others on their appearance, not only indicates that you're a gentleman, but it also subtly communicates that you are in a position to evaluate others.

Maintain eye contact:

When meeting a new person, your eyes say at least as much as your mouth.

Looking someone in the eye comes naturally when you're feeling comfortable and confident,.

Speak clearly:

Don't talk over people or interrupt them, but whenever you're speaking, speak a little louder than you normally would.

Don't be mean:

The first positive thing people typically say after meeting a new person is, "He seems nice. Nice is the first checkpoint you have to pass on the road to friendship, partnership or romance.

Have a sense of humour:

A great sense of humor is the most instant, obvious, magnetic force that makes a woman sense a man's confidence, and therefore feel the first sparks of attraction for him.

By focusing on these steps, the kind of women you want to meet will start sensing that you just might be "Mr. Right."

What Are The Challenges in Our Life?

7 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem Fast

Not everyone is self-confident, self-trusting or self-loving.

One of the major reasons is because they have not fully developed or nurtured their self-esteem.

Today, let me give you 7 easy tips on how you can boost your self-esteem fast!

Tip #1 Understand What Self-Esteem Is

Self-esteem is nothing more than having a clear understanding of your own strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes and being able to move your life forward with this level of self-knowledge.

It's about accepting your flaws and loving yourself anyway.
It's about focusing on things you can control, instead of things outside your influence.
It's about living in the present and being hopeful for the future, instead of dwelling on the past that cannot be undone.

Tip #2 The Major Cause of Poor Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem occurs when you attach too much of your personal value to the external materialistic things like money, fame, status, cars, mansions etc.

These things are nice to have, but never measure your own self of worthiness against these kinds of Hollywood-portrayed lifestyle.

Other things like health, skills, interpersonal relationships, life experiences, love and passion are also crucial to your well-being.

Tip #3 Remind Yourself What You're Already Good At

You're likely to already have 5, 10 or 20 years of solid experience where you've learnt some major life lessons.

Take 10-15 minutes to write down everything you know how to do. Do not judge whatever you write.

It can be things like playing piano, climbing trees, fishing, playing as the basketball captain in high school, repairing the toilet well etc.

It might sound silly, but remind yourself of the instructions, the stories and the lessons that had strengthened you as a human being.

Tip #4 Daily Night Journaling

Every night before you sleep, you should take just 5 minutes to write down the Top 3-5 Wins of the day.

You need to develop a habit of reminding yourself the mini achievements so that you know you're making progress every day.

Tip #5 Plan Your Tomorrow The Night Before

At the same time, you should plan your next day while doing your night-journaling.

List out your Big 3 things you must dominate in order to make your tomorrow awesome, so that you wake up automatically productive and know exactly what to execute on.

Tip #6 Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Never compare your hard, boring, tough back stage of work with other people's glamorous, successful, enjoyable front stage of victory.

It's plainly unfair to both of you.

You don't know the complete story of rags-to-riches. You didn't witness the excruciating times of theirs. You had no idea how much they had gone through.

What you see is just a snapshot of their peak winning moment. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat are creating a false image of ideal reality that does not exist.

Stop comparing and start focusing on making consistent daily improvements of your own life.

Tip #7 Be Grateful

No matter what happens, understand that everything happens for a reason and it serves you.

Your life is exactly where you should be. Trust the process and trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future.

Sit down, close your eyes, and remind yourself what 5 things you STILL have in life that you're grateful for.

Smile at them and keep going.